Do nice guys finish last? Maybe. A year ago, I was single and living in Washington, DC. My dating life was starting to pickup, going on dates about three times a week with two different guys. One of the guys traveled to frequently for me, so I decided to drop him and the other one was what I considered a “nice guy.” After a few dates, I told my former coworker about the “nice guy.” My coworker looked at me and asked, “what makes him a nice guy?”
According to Webster Dictionary, the word “nice” is define as giving pleasure or joy: good and enjoyable; attractive or of good quality; kind, polite, and friendly. “Nice guy” was definitely “nice” in reference to the definition, but the “nice” over shadowed the guy. My last date with “nice guy” was at a popular restaurant in Georgetown, near the waterfront. Of course, I was running over 20 minutes late for the date and got lost finding the restaurant. I called “nice guy” explaining to him that I was lost and my GPS was not working. He nonchalantly responded that he had just ordered a drink and to call him when I was closes. It was dark, I was wondering around in a residential neighborhood in my work clothes and I had to drive to Richmond, VA to meet my sister later that night. To be honest I was tired but I made an effort to find the place and at least show my face. After finally making my way to the restaurant, the local bus going towards the metro where I parked my car pulled up. Do I hop on the bus? Or, Walk into the restaurant? Needless to say, I never spoke to “nice guy” again.
The question that my coworker asked, “what makes him nice?”, kept popping in my head with every action or effort he made. Other than the general definition, was “nice guy” really that different from the assholes I had previously dated? The “nice guy” would text me every morning and throughout the day, asking about my day but so did the “assholes.” The “nice guy” would take me out and would even let me choose the restaurant, the “asshole” would too. If those gestures where considered “nice”, what makes the “asshole” and “nice” guy different? More importantly, why do “nice guys” finish last?”
From my experience, the difference between the “nice guy” and “asshole” is being genuine. The “asshole” may not be perfect but at least you know what he wants. The “asshole” is the asshole because he is not ready for a monogamist relationship, not at all romantic and a little inconsiderate. Women may be more attracted to the “asshole” because at times they see the “nice guy” in him with nice gestures. The “nice guy” finish last because he is disingenuous. The gestures a “nice guy” does is appreciated but the nice gestures over shadows the lack of personality or common interest.
How can a “nice guy” finish first? If you are currently dating a guy you consider “nice”, try getting him out of his comfort zone. Instead of dinner dates, go to a comedy club, a museum or take him somewhere he wants to go or previously mentioned. The key is getting to know him outside of being the “nice guy.” Remember, that it doesn’t matter if he is the “nice guy” or the “asshole”, you are dating and the most important things are does he treats you “right”, are you compatible and do you both want the same things.
Do you think “nice guys” finish last?